It’s the Devil’s Condiment.
If you're a Stardew Valley stan then March 19 is a big day. At long last, the content patch for version 1.6 of the long-running farm simulator arrives. With it comes a number of updates, quality of life changes, and overall great improvements. However, there's one change that simply cannot be considered an improvement, upgrade, bonus, gain, or positive of any kind. You'll now be able to drink mayonnaise in Stardew Valley.
Stardew fans want one thing, and it's truly disgusting. The easily made farming item Mayonnaise has long been a cash cow in Stardew Valley. After all, what's easier than oil and eggs mixed into a horrifying slurry? Well, I'm apparently the only one brave enough to stand up and defy such depravity. If we start drinking mayonnaise, then what's next? Licking rocks? Using void chickens as suicide bombers? Marrying anyone else in the game besides Penny?
No. Only madness is down that path. Join together with me and the dozens of us proudly declaring: I will not drink the mayonnaise in Stardew Valley.
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Just say NO to Stardew Valley mayonnaise
If folks won't be sensible about the realities of drinking their Stardew Valley mayonnaise, then allow me to implore your business decorum. Every bottle of gross, white goo you slurp is revenue going right down your throat and through your digestive tract! That's right, folks: Every good Stardew farmer knows that mayonnaise is liquid gold--despite it's off-putting white color--and worth every dime. At its highest rarity level, Mayo sells for up to 532g! Are you so well off in this downturn economy that you can pass up such profits?
That's downright un-american. I won't stand for it!
Besides, if you're out here chugging the most suspicious-looking of all condiments left and right then how will you ever concoct other recipes? What, will you just deny the world its unalienable right to coleslaw and fish tacos? You know what, I bet you also helped the JoJa Mart expand in your game, you filthy cretin.
I'm not your mother. Do what you will with your life. However, don't come crying to me when you're in a mayonnaise based haze of Stardew Valley malaise and rue the days of your haphazard ways!
Now, away! I must continue my letter-writing campaign warning mothers of homeschooled children about the dangers of fizzy water.
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