Who wants to be a Paladin when you can be a Paladont in Diablo 4?
On April 1, everyone learns to take all information with a grain of salt. On April Fools' Day, as it’s formally known, Wowhead has always been a source of some funnier patch notes, ideas, and general pokes at the games they cover. While Blizzard produced great April Fools' Day patch notes for World of Warcraft, Wowhead created a hilarious data mined update for the next Diablo IV (D4) expansion.
(Pala)dont do this in Diablo 4
The post begins by announcing the data mining of a new class – and with everyone still wanting Paladin or Crusader, the Paladont is their produced version. The Paladont is an interesting creation, featuring some cuddly animals to empower their attacks. Hilariously, the animals chosen by the writer are the Ostrich, Platypus, Armadillo, and Fruit Flies.
“The Paladont is an all-new class that certainly doesn't bear resemblance to Spiritborn. Instead of Spirit Guardians, the Paladont has Anima Protectors: four animal familiars that lend their strength and powers to the class, influencing how the Paladont attacks. Between the kicking power of the Ostrich, the poisonous barbs of the Platypus, the tough hide of the Armadillo, and the quick, annoying pokes of the Fruit Fly, the Paladont has all playstyles covered - none of that sword and board nonsense here!
The Anima Protectors also provide a great merchandising opportunity because who doesn't love cute and cuddly creatures? Plus, they can be abbreviated to AP - and we know how much Blizzard loves AP.”
The final line is a great one, with Blizzard known to love “AP” – being it attack power, artifact power, or any other use of the acronym that has annoyed players for years on end in multiple games.
Next on the list was a new zone, aptly named Hatanu. This, of course, is poking fun at Nahantu, the latest zone and home of the Spiritborn class in D4. A nice little touch was the addition that a rainforest zone would obviously be a natural habitat for the four Anima Protector animals.
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What the Hecktide?
A running joke in the D4 community is the question of what color the next event will be in new seasons. This sprouted from the red coloring of Helltides, which later expanded into different colors for other seasonal events. Of course, Hecktides were a perfect way to expand on this, with the wonderful and sparkly creatures of Whimsyshire filling the zones.
“Whimsyshire had the right idea, so these Hecktides will be filled with ponies, unicorns, flowers, and teddy bears once more; after all, some players have been vocally wishing Diablo 4 was more like Diablo 3, so this should be exactly what they were hoping for.
You won't have to wonder about which color Helltide we're getting in a new season if the answer is all of them!”
The post comes to a close with the addition of another avian pet, except this one could hit a bit too close to home. The pet itself is said to be available from the in-game store in D4, but there is also a chance to obtain it by buying KFC sandwiches. Another fantastic take, making fun of the numerous promotions Blizzard has done with various companies for in-game items.
Finally, the pinnacle of the post is the name given to data mined expansion – Receptacle of Dislike.
With Season 8 of the real D4 on the way in the coming weeks, this is a great light-hearted take on the game for April Fools' Day. While we do enjoy the jokes and memes, we also do hope that the next season will be good, especially since Path of Exile 2 is making a statement of being the best Action Role-Playing Game (ARPG).
For more news on Diablo 4, stay tuned to esports.gg – and be sure to check out some of the other April Fool’s Day posts, too.
